1. |
Montage
05:44
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Henry from 2017 told me to not mess up again. Now that I'm here I'm just anticipating when my luck will end. Had no idea where I'd be, I'm still aimless most of the time. Looking at my modern persona, is anyone still surprised?
Now that it's over, does it feel like it was always? Hoping I vomit when I'm reflecting on those days. But when pain's contemporary, it's often a little scary revealing your vices and figuring out who still stays. Now that it's over, was I the villain this whole time? Did I get off easy or was I doing just fine? It's a montage of bad moments. I'll just cross my fingers, hoping I can change the present, figuring out where to draw the line.
Henry from 2020 wonders when he'll hurt his closest friends. Karma takes the form of guilt before the sob story ends. So am I selfish for deceiving lovely acquaintances? I was told my mind was a gift so I do everything it says.
Now is it over, since it feels like it was always? Hoping I vomit when I'm reflecting on these days. But when pain's contemporary, it's often a little scary revealing your vices and figuring out who still stays. Now am I done or am I still being the bad guy? Did I get off easy or am I doing just fine? It's a montage of bad moments. I'll just cross my fingers, hoping I can change the present, figuring out where to draw the line.
And I'm laying down foundations, but they're hollow, if not cracked. And I checked for one, but not the other until the house collapsed. And I think I'm doing better, but am I just screwing up? Should I lock the doors and board the windows until I'm good enough? And it feels like in an existence, it's once or days and days, so while my worst day could have passed, my worst year still remains. And would I rather be inspired or find the yellow brick road? Either way I'll win some, lose some. Either way, you'll know. And I'm cowardly and unchanging, like a snowfall in Brazil. And I'm losing teeth by sucker punching my mouth until it's filled. And I want to change who I am, for me and me alone. But I quickly fall into disdain for those who I've outgrown, despite my stunted heart and filter. Love is clogged with coffee grounds. And I want to be somebody that you can safely be around. At the moment, I'm not suffocating. At the moment, I'm intact. But I want to understand myself, and I want to take it back.
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2. |
Waste
03:20
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Time management's not my strong suit, I guess that can be pinned on me. But there's no denying the work I put in won't matter within another week. I've got so much to lose, like my patience and my sanity. Busy work is a perfect descriptor for something keeping me so busy.
And I'm tired of anticipating something so meaningless to get where people think I should be. Am I pissing away my adolescence or is this what's best? No other option seems like a remedy.
I just need a god damn minute alone. Reset my calibration doing nothing at home. I'll get it all done when I'm all chilled out. Getting it over with's not what I'm psyched about. Everything feels like a waste of time, so why even try to prioritize? The payoff is minuscule, the tasks are a bore, I don't want to do this bullshit anymore.
It's pointless keeping me hostage when I'm only tied up by my head. It's like taking a four year road trip just to get back where I'd always started. Do what you tend to attract to is met with hours of shit no one needs. Varying degrees of frustration make it hard to want to get a degree.
And I'm tired of anticipating something so meaningless to get a job in accounting for forty years. Can I get a job that pays the bills that won't cause me this stress or will I be stuck with a corporate career.
I just need a god damn minute alone. Reset my calibration doing nothing at home. I'll get it all done when I'm all chilled out. Getting it over with's not what I'm psyched about. Everything feels like a waste of time, so why even try to prioritize? The payoff is minuscule, the tasks are a bore, I don't want to do this bullshit anymore.
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3. |
Throne
03:05
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Leave me the hell alone if that's where you need to go. I'm a lemming on my own, but I'd rather see you float. Worth is a foreign thing when all I do is make you pissed. Regret is a fatal sting, but I know it must exist.
Well I'm letting myself let the lies take hold of every single reason that I needed to get old, to certify that relationships remain deadly cold. Everyone makes mistakes, I'm told. Why doesn't the queen exert her final blow on every single jackass that she's ever known? I'm the only one who's on death row, the only thing I can do is sob on her throne.
How much did I do wrong, and how did I get the right to make this boring song, begging for better sight? Let's see how far I'll go and how much you can forgive. If no sympathy shows, how long do I have left to live?
Well I'm letting myself let the lies take hold of every single reason that I needed to get old, to certify that relationships remain deadly cold. Everyone makes mistakes, I'm told. Why doesn't the queen exert her final blow on every single jackass that she's ever known? I'm the only one who's on death row, the only thing I can do is sob on her throne.
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4. |
Shatter
04:19
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Everything is miserable, don't test your luck with me. Hints of red invisible, don't test your luck withe me. Sunshine trapped in a balloon, don't test your luck with me. Distortion carries a tune, don't test your luck with me.
Don't treat me different because you're bored. I can't seem to take it anymore. Leave me but don't leave me alone. Before we've grown apart, prove that we've grown.
Drink what should be vinegar, don't go back alone tomorrow. Contact ends up spinning her, don't go back alone tomorrow. Satiate a third party, don't go back alone tomorrow. Inflict double jeopardy, don't go back alone tomorrow.
Don't treat me different because you're bored. I can't seem to take it anymore. Leave me but don't leave me alone. Before we've grown apart, prove that we've grown.
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5. |
Party Poppers
04:21
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I'm tired of downplaying what I want and keeping myself under boards and nails. I'm tired of holding my own sweaty palms. I'm breathing fine, but still my air is stale. Conceited, isolated, stuck in the past, I'm disembodied without wood and string. Magma resides from camaraderie and craft, and when combined, I couldn't breathe, I'd just sing. I'm licking all the wounds and hoping they don't infect, and praying to be vegetative behind the scenes. I'm as subtle and as careful as a kick in the neck. Certified to save, but failing miserably.
Oh why can't I ever let go? I'm treating tension with party poppers on the countdown to when I explode. Oh why can't I ever let go? I don't want to be given closure, because that means I'm giving exposure to a voice that's taking me one step closer to jumping from the rooftops and dying slow.
I'm sucking it up and pushing it down. My teenage gray hair starts to show. True lust for snakes kept me around, though who I loved had always known. And when proximity results in clenching fists, I can't lie to myself to please you. I'm checking all the boxes on the naughty list of a great white shark and his army of fools. Can I get a break every once in a while or am I just breaking where my faults shine through? Held at gunpoint, I can't force a smile; every bit of self control goes to ignoring you.
Oh why can't I ever let go? I'm treating tension with party poppers on the countdown to when I explode. Oh why can't I ever let go? I don't want to be given closure, because that means I'm giving exposure to a voice that's taking me one step closer to jumping from the rooftops and dying slow.
Sucking it up and pushing it down.
Oh why can't I ever let go? I'm stopping myself from sinking lower, still preparing for a strike from below. Oh why can't I ever let go? Half a story is worse than no words, I'm filling in the pages wherever you don't.
Oh why can't I ever let go? I'm treating tension with party poppers on the countdown to when I explode. Oh why can't I ever let go? I don't want to be given closure, because that means I'm giving exposure to a voice that's taking me one step closer to jumping from the rooftops and dying slow.
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6. |
Not Yet
03:22
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You catch my eye like an irresponsible surgeon. Fingers crossed, but I'm not placing bets. If you give me a single indication, I'd want to fall in love, but not yet. You're like the sun after a cold March rainstorm, if I stay inside I'll be upset. But I'd be selfish to freeze you when you're warm. I want to fall in love, just not yet.
I'm unstable; if offered to share the wealth, I'd pass. Sorry for the signals. If I were to trust myself a little more, I'd ask, assuming you like me back. Do I want you to be with me or happy? If I could offer both then we'd be set. I'm not suggesting that you wait for me, because I want to fall in love, just not yet.
It's not that I don't want you, trust me, I do. I just don't think I'm the best that you can get. Hoping someday I'll be perfect for you, because I want to fall in love, just not yet. And maybe I'm just being hard on myself, maybe I'm an adequate fit. But I've been better and you deserve the best. I want to fall in love, just not yet.
I'm unstable; if offered to share the wealth, I'd pass. Sorry for the signals. If I were to trust myself a little more, I'd ask, assuming you like me back. If you don't care and you'll take me how I am, I'm gonna try my best to keep you around. If you're certain that I'm enough for you, I'll fall in love with you without a doubt.
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7. |
33
03:59
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No one's growth's as slow as mine. Collected years of wasted time. At my peak I'm still bottom five, so I moved on. Can I be more than the worst? Can I change my half true term? Can I somehow make this work by moving on?
Potential lies elsewhere, I can't wait for too long. Enjoyment lies elsewhere, I've just gotta find where it's gone.
Destined to be better off. Pray that I miss one more shot. Get a voice to shout this song and then move on.
Potential lies elsewhere, I can't wait for too long. Enjoyment lies elsewhere, I've just gotta find where it's gone.
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8. |
Time
05:06
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Undo and redo the blindside, living like I'll be cooler in time. Hate what I've become, but the white lies purify your conscience and not mine. Party's over, but I've just arrived, impulsive and in overdrive. How is it to deserve your life? Wrong way to live at the right time. So I don't talk about it because I know they'll deny. Engulf my body with bodies similar to mine. What do I say when I can't write? Where is my guilt, outcome, and pride? How is it to deserve your life? Wrong way to live at the right time.
Where am I, and what am I doing? Where am I?
Waking up is overrated, I mean, who has a life? Savings aren't everything because there's nothing I'll buy. What's empathy and what business counts as mine? Concentrating on what doesn't matter's wasting my time.
Raise your hand if you like living as an outcast. I'm afraid that skating by on purely privilege can't last. Relating more and more to people only found in a screen. The only color in my conscience is a jealousy green. Retaining uncommon knowledge that I'm half-assed. Holding things inside my skull and shallow like a trash bag. Every expectation makes me feel the need to backtrack. Why do I keep doing this, why don't you just ask that? So I don't talk about it because I know they'll deny. Remaining calm after scream-filled twenty minute lies. Chain me to ceilings and beat me or just avoid me completely. Better yet, tell me I'm pretty; the last thing I need is flattery.
Where am I, and what am I doing? Where am I?
Waking up is overrated, I mean, who has a life? Savings aren't everything because there's nothing I'll buy. What's empathy and what business counts as mine? Concentrating on what doesn't matter's wasting my time.
Transfer your empathy into my body. Arms still shaking and judgement still spotty. Pockets all emptied of nickels and dimes. Here's where you can reach me, take all my time.
Waking up is overrated, I mean, who has a life? Savings aren't everything because there's nothing I'll buy. What's empathy and what business counts as mine? Concentrating on what doesn't matter's wasting my time. It's not fair to be who I want to be, and once more I'll be sulking as I breathe. It's not accurate to say I want to die, but I hate wasting everyone's time.
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9. |
Dispute
04:17
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Calm down, there's something more to be. Lay out your respect, don't you scream. Settle your ruthless bickering. Whittle each other's shortcomings.
Complain is all you ever do. Fighting won't make a better you. Give up and isolate yourself. Bone dry reserves for moral wealth.
And I'm sick of it, just drop the dispute. Once you go in hiding you'll have twenty thousand better things to do.
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10. |
Clouded
03:48
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Mind inside the gutter and spewing up sewage. Even constant reminders seem ever useless. Taken by surprise by remorse, not a clue if I'm gonna be the best I can be. Looking for an answer and finding new problems. Building like a jenga tower without bottoms. Predicting the future is something I'm fond of. I'm gonna find out who I should be.
Vision clouded like the winter sky in a snowstorm. Always knowing better, but never searching for a way to feel like more than an unfeeling cyborg. I'm gonna be the best I can be. Vacant like the crowd to all my best efforts and ignoring the bridges I know soon will be burnt. If I didn't hurt you I'm still gonna be hurt. I'm gonna find out who I should be.
Empathy has gone to waste. Hoping I can change my ways. Oh, everything is worse, somehow.
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11. |
Not Yet (Acoustic)
03:36
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You catch my eye like an irresponsible surgeon. Fingers crossed, but I'm not placing bets. If you give me a single indication, I'd want to fall in love, but not yet. You're like the sun after a cold March rainstorm, if I stay inside I'll be upset. But I'd be selfish to freeze you when you're warm. I want to fall in love, just not yet.
I'm unstable; if offered to share the wealth, I'd pass. Sorry for the signals. If I were to trust myself a little more, I'd ask, assuming you like me back. Do I want you to be with me or happy? If I could offer both then we'd be set. I'm not suggesting that you wait for me, because I want to fall in love, just not yet.
It's not that I don't want you, trust me, I do. I just don't think I'm the best that you can get. Hoping someday I'll be perfect for you, because I want to fall in love, just not yet. And maybe I'm just being hard on myself, maybe I'm an adequate fit. But I've been better and you deserve the best. I want to fall in love, just not yet.
I'm unstable; if offered to share the wealth, I'd pass. Sorry for the signals. If I were to trust myself a little more, I'd ask, assuming you like me back. If you don't care and you'll take me how I am, I'm gonna try my best to keep you around. If you're certain that I'm enough for you, I'll fall in love with you without a doubt.
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Henry Byrne Columbus, Ohio
Annoying
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